Move On!!!!!!!

Time Slips like key technical concepts slipped from my buttered mind during study years(1.2 million fps) and again I start to vomit thoughts on paper with a feeling that something’s dying to come out .. don’t know what don’t know what should.

Work has been light lately with two major projects nearing end from my part with another major about to start, but ehh that can wait till Monday. So here I am, during the Friday after lunch hours staring at a weekend off and thinking, what will I do this weekend??? Do I even need it? And then a totally disturbing thought does me in.. I design solutions that bridge communication gap between people and I myself need these swadhaya moments to communicate with me…

Like I said, I was sitting in office around 2-3 pm spending some quality time with myself and a thought grazed my mind. I am becoming a mature person with every passing moment. I am more mature than I was yesterday, I am more mature than I was in morning , I am more mature than I was a second ago and hey as I wrote last line I just got a bit more fledged. To put this demeaning thought to rest I starting surfing websites, I stopped on the online newspaper for which I used to write during my college years and then just kept searching for my articles, and to my utter dismay I found them, so I thought since I have found it I might as well read them and get more glimpse of what I was sitting on that plastic chair in front of my desktop in a place called Room No. E-115 when a million ambitions passed my mind every day and world was not scary as it is now.

I don’t know how much of u all read thru my recent orkut status message (and don't know how many of u will read this post)which said “There something magical about perfect send offs”. I have a feeling that I haven’t been fair with many of my closet and best friends since the college ended, I let my friends drift when I should have held on to them. I managed just one call with my one of the best buddies “shekhar” in one year when earlier there wasn’t a single day when I wudnt wink at his never ending sleep and we never got tired of talking about which girl to chase who to pass on and will rant about my long blogs. Rat who was apple of my eyes not just for the fact he was first in college to befriend me but was more or less every time there for late night walks and I can’t tell how much I was happy when he finally got his joining letter. Then there were special people Rumie, Harshal,Tushar, Sammy ,Apurva, Arjun , shruti, kirti, Prachi,Balak and I thought I lost all these friends to the time. I haven’t been able to contact with most(all) of these that often and I even thought of giving all them a send off … I guess now u know intent of that orkut status message, but then that day I thought I would be waste without all these people because they still are part of my world and will always be part of my memories and so I purged that thought within a day. Too mushy… isn’t it??? Neways I am ok with that feeling.I don't know if u all still want to remain in touch with me also and its okk if u don't feel the same.

I am still gazing out of that office window, a new high rise office building was in progress and there is a crow sitting on it.. tringg tringg trriiinnggggggg …omg that’s my reporting manager Neetika chhabra calling…

Ajeet- Hello maaam
Neetika Chhabra- Is that approach note for corporate self care ready??
Ajeet- I am on it maam ( lie), will mail u before I take off.
Neetika chhabra- okk”

I look out.. crow is gone.. it moved on.. and so should I… approach is to be started (forget completing) thinking have I really moved on and that,can I ever “Move on” knowing that willingly or unwillingly I will have to revisit these thoughts, memories again.
I am listening to some preloaded songs on my laptop, which are there since college days and it takes me to that setting. …Plastic chair, there is a basketball lying on the floor and badminton racket on the top shelf. a song is playing full volume and has been put on repeat for past 2 hours and stinky socks that haven’t been washed since 2 months now,.behind me, my rumie is still slleping and shekhar some 2 rooms away.Harshal is reading some novel 2-3 rooms left of my room and Rat is still struggling with his PC, Arjun is out with Samata. And I am in middle of all these happenings thinking “ today I will try to put that basket in from that position, I will try to deceive that person and then score that way, I will try to run 2 more rounds of ground, I will hit that shot that way…. I will shortly go out of the room and will sit in the corridor gap and cook more ambitions” …… ohh no song has finished and it’s a fast forward .. I recollect , I have moved on…. Really so…. I don’t think so…

Transition between lives

Okkk i again took a long break ( as if anybody cares) that i guess was due to the transition between a T shirt wearing ( i actually pittied people who wore shirts in college), roudy laughing and big mouthed college going mammoth to a person who has to wear most bulky outfit that can be put on a man ie FFormal ( 2 Fs are intentional), ironed trousers and formal shoes to go with all that ( ewwwww that feels uncle g types) but trust me u will like that change (actually chicks like well dressed males attributed to their hollow mind and shallow vision:P. Last time i felt like writing i was in luxury of my hostel room having all sorts of crazy fun and life seemed to be a piece of cake.I was least bothered about my BTP and a missed shot at basketball court or a long shot at badminton court caused more headlines than the ones i got wen i was being tortured during BTP presentaion ( you have to pay for ur sins in this world only :( there is nothing called judgement day) and now i am here sitting on my bed or floor ( both are one and the same thing) trying to find a life out of some old passion.

Life has changed upside down. I never thought i would be working my ass out in office and i always dreamt of a sports career knowing thats never going to happen but thats what is life all about, cherishing dreams and hope that universe will turn upside down just for u. All said and dreamt, life took a rather expected turn and i joined typical league of working men.The transtion from a jolly college lad to a new industry joinee continued and after starting feeling good about wearing formals i had to curb my distinguishing talent ie laughing hell out of even a stone aged joke or not even a joke at all. I'll tell u a incident wen everybody in my department came to know about my this talent.
A senior lady who sits at my floor left her cellphone on the desk and it rang suddenly ( well all cellphones dont give a mesage that they r going to ring before cathing u offguard) and it had some dance like ring tone. It rang and went off, then it again rang and again went off and then it again rang but this time a girl (aditi) picked it up and a collegue (rahul mathur) told to aditi "is ko khidki se bahar phek de.. hum bol denge ki phone dance karta karta bahar gir gaya" now i knoe that u will say that it wasnt a joke at all but i laughed like hell and my treasured talent was out. Slowly i learned to not shot that talent too much nd now this talent comes out as a smile and short lived laugh some times ( not any 1 hour sessions anymore) and i am okk with that becoz i still have those one hour session wen i am with frnds and not in office.
During college i always thaought that i can always manage sports time but sadly now my sense of sports is just a early morning jog and that just does my fitness regimen that was just a tiny part of my fitness and sports during college.
I know most of u must be getting an impression after rading all this that i am running out of life or i am one of those frustrated people who have ran out of life .But trust me i am not because if life has tought me something its that u shud always except change with open arms and i have done that and i am dead sure that i will not lose any of the friends or the characteristics that define me i have made all this time.and neways I AM LIFE IN MYSELF... so how can i run out of myself.Just few lines to close it all

If I lift my head
From the bed of stars, the ocean wide
If I call your name out
Would you carry me on inside
If I close my eyes
Let me put my faith in the whole design
Could you raise your voice up
Feeling that hope
Together with mine, yeah

But I'm on my way
Yes I'm on my way
I said I'm on my way
Yeah
But I'm on my way

If I'm on my way now
I'm better for it all cause I'm moving on
And whether they might say
After all you can see
Yeah you can see
I'm gone

But I'm on my way
Yes I'm on my way
Said I'm on my way, yeah
Said I'm on my way,

I'll never find my way back here from anywhere
I'll never find my way back here from anywhere
(I'll never find my way back here from anywhere
I'll never find my way back here from anywhere

But I'm on my way
I said I'm on my way
Yes I'm on my way
(I'm on my way)
Said I'm on my way
(Yes I'm on my way)
I'm on my way
Said I'm on my way)
Yeah
But I'm on my way

Let's Catch Up!!!!!!!

Well it’s been pretty long since I felt like writing anything and rite now it feels like ages. It’s not that I dint have anything to tell or as if I was having pretty uneventful life ( partially true) but still I am pretty sure I would have made it sound like helluva life with my overwhelming diction ( something I am very good at). It’s just that I had somewhat lost interest in expressing myself and that also on a blogosphere which was red hot back then as all the red carpet celebs had decided to cheapen their dignity when they started pulling off publicity stunts in this field too and I thought that maybe I should give it a break (at least some one should have his brain’s equanimity going ). As I sit down this hot afternoon to reclaim old lost passion I feel very rusty and still haven’t decided what I will write about (and still I pulled off 180 senseless words till now :P) and there are like million ideas hitting my tiny 2 pound brain and believe me as u go on reading further u will notice all my conundrums. It’s not that my blog gets million hits per second or like anyone told me to start writing again. (yippieee I got a topic to write on and now I don’t need to pull off anymore senseless words but be prepared for lot of rustiness if u still reading this).

My father (actually everybody’s father) says that what u become in life or how much u achieve in life depends a lot on whom u look up to (yes, I literally had to look up to talk to him as he lived in first floor and I in ground floor) as your friend or as your role model and I think I had chosen someone who was good enough if not best in lot (let’s not name him everybody knows who it was but still I couldn’t manage to be even 1 percent like him) but like sunflower and sun we too have had our season and it was time to say good bye to partner of some happy and so I did, but I realized that I was not ready for change and so pulled of kiddy ideas like putting photograph of 200401006 on my pc monitor but still I think these foolish acts define me as a person. So as the old wings flocked back for convocation I wish if I had power to stop time. Well all said and not done convocation weekend really turned out the way I expected and those three fun filled days were worth the months I waited. I had some first time experiences (please keep ur minds shut :P )and when it was all about to end I could not help but cry because that was probably the last time when I will see Tushar bhaiya some of the best friends.

I see a lot of changes that have taken place since I last wrote anything. India has seen barbaric act of terrorism when Mumbai was attacked and whole country was held hostage on gunpoint by a group of 10 goons and for 60 long hours I was feeling as if our democracy, security and intelligence count for nothing and for long time after I was annoyed by the way the issue was being handled and the derisory statements by Pakistani leaders and their barefaced denial of proofs that suggested they were actual planners of this inhuman act got me red hot in anger. Pakistan has not done anything till date except accepting the fact that attacks were result of their homegrown terror schools and as I write this Pakistan has done enough to prove that it is a failed state where anyone can ambush high profile delegates and then escape unscathed after staging dance of devil for 25 minutes. Pakistan leaders have got a bigmouth to blame India for all this but I feel sorry at their plight as their own people ridicule their blame tactics. I can go on and on with this topic but it will only help in arousing my anger.

Coming to my small world, well it has been a mixed bag. I have managed to hold on to my sports although most of the times I am alone on basketball court but still I don’t feel any drift from that game and so is the case with Roger Federer who might not be the number one player right now but for me will always remain the best ever and I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t be on top again come what may and as I see many people around me trying to suggest otherwise I cannot help but give them wincing faces. My one significant achievement has been that I have read 3 novels during this time (actually I couldn’t stand the idea of reading novels before) and also I have opened up a bit to Hindi movies and songs and actually enjoyed watching some movies like Jab We Met, A Wednesday and Delhi 6 in particular. I found Delhi 6 good in all aspects, it had some thought provoking sequences and ideas like in which it was shown how “Prem Chopra” tries fix “Sonam Kapoor’s” marriage there is a news channel in background in which dialog is “ ab aap dekh rahe hain akhiri souda” it was just hilarious and portrayed hypocrisy prevalent in religious ranks and also some strong sequences. It shows how we Indian seek refuge in totally absurd news and concepts and how they manifest themselves into big problems and how we all fall prey to our inner daemons and at the end we Indians just are one when it comes to killing evils in existing society and it presents a true picture of Indian society which goes forward day by day but never forgets its roots.

I think I have still not sorted out my confusions but in short this time gave me some very important lessons for life and I at least one fight with each of my friends some of them still haven’t been sorted and many a times I feel like sorting it but things just don’t fall in place anyways as I write this I am filled with new energy to sort all issues and get back to life which I have been missing like hell. As I end this first attempt of reclamation I am just observing the highs and lows I have seen in my writing also just few months back I had my article published on Reuters website (it’s true guys.. I used to kickass in writing) and now here I am totally rusty and struggling to find a topic but I pray to god that I find old passion again. As the end draws near I just have few lines to say…. Well it’s some lines of a song from Delhi 6 which describe my state during this period.
Ooo ek khushboo aati thi
Main Bhatkta Jaata Tha
Reshmi Si Maaya Thi
Aur Mein Takta Jaata Tha
Jab Teri Gali Aayaa, Sach Kabhi Nazar Aayaa
Mujhme Hi woh Khushboo Thi, Jise Tune Milwaaya
Maula Maula Maulaa Mere Maula…
Maula Maula Maulaa Maula…
Darare Darare Hai Mathey Pe Maula
Marammat Muqaddar ki kardo Maula
Mere Maula….
Tootke Bhikharna Mujhko, Zaroor Aata hai
Varna Ibaadatwaala Shaur Aata Hai
Sajde Mein Rehne Do Ab Kahin Na Jaaongaa
Ab Jo Tumne Thukraaya To Sawar Na Paaongaa

Tiny Little Fractures!!!!!!!!

Huge ocean of uncertainty lay in my front
lots of ships i see, wanting to break free.
free from shackles and people,
i see my ship sailing into the loner ocean.

The ship wants to sail fast and ahead
but then why few things pull her back,
back into the times of darkness that once prevailed
the tiny little ship feels totally lost and afraid.

Getting over the blues that lay in blue ocean
trying to forget all the glooms behind,
it always hopes for new shores,
only to find that in the world,where most are happy
why is it doomed to sail in dark hallows.

As the ship sails farther and farther
the waters become deadly and unfriendly.
now everybody finds blackened emotions and deep scars on its body,
times have changed drastically what was once a glittering soul.

So it sails continuously deeper and deeper into the dubiety
The ship will get solitary and jittery with every mile.
I foresee some mistakes to be made, errs that can never be prevented,
but still journey has to go on for its ultimate destiny.
The ship has to finally sink several fathoms deep to meet its ultimate end.

It will finally meet her fate and every body will say
" hahaha there it goes, what a misfit it always was".
To meet its place, was always the reason and result of the journey.
when it lies there waiting to crumble slowly,
nobody will ask the reason for its end, and as always,
Those tiny little fractures will be loud enough tell all......

Closet Revisited !!!!!

He spilled it all, all over the place
Just for the sake of his stupid false rage
for the guy whose skeletons were un closeted
now the same figures lie in open leaving the owner wailing and wilted.

Convictions once formed should be deeply guarded,
how stupid this thought seem to me now.
and the guy whom I trusted like no one else
doesn't even care and blames me like everyone else.
Now everyone vouches for betrayers head and
No one to know the reason what turned him otherwise.

Not everybody is perfect in this world, we all do err some
but why are we then bound to repent,For someone who just dint care.
and the only thing that seems apt is , someone's weakness is else's opportunity.

Even as i call it a close, hardly anything is gonna be changed
Haunting figures will still make me creepy ,but as always some lessons learned
and enshrouded facts revisited, why did i cry for that guy some ages back who anyways turned perfidious and the only ques i ask myself at the end " Was it all actually worth it?"....

SO the gospel which prevails in the end is " We all have skeletons in the closet, its all about who owns them proudly".... :(

Answer That... !!!!

Its again a sunday morning and yet again its only me in entire wing who has been ditched by impudent sleep.I still cant figure out what to do so i think rather than thinking about what to and doing nothing, i decided to think nothing and write.

We all are impounded seldom with some questions over and over again and still u never think how to approach answer to these questions and get bowled over them.lets thnk upon some of these questions.

Q1) Hows life going???
I think most of orkut users suffer from what we call " Hows life syndrome" u open ur scrap book and most u see is the same above mentioned statement and how are we supposed to answer that, i wish if they could have been little more precise about field of what they called life and want to know about,or its just that they want to waste our time if they think we are going to think about their ques and write a whole Statement of Purpose (SOP)about life, but to their utter dismay we all write " all s well " so sadddd...

Q2) hey wassup??
Every time someone asks this question i always look above skies or my room ceiling to see if anything is wrong coz the person who asks this ques seems to be very bothered as he thinks the whole skies are falling on me and he just warns me, but every time i see i only find the same fan which wont fall until some fine day i decide to hang on it bored by this stupid ques.

Q3)What do you expect from this course ???
well it is a bit intellectual and we are dished this question every time some professor thinks that we have all arguments ready regarding this ques, but usually the argument that follows is like a well designed masterpiece which will work equally well be it for some complicated technical course or be it some totally bakar humanities course.Even girls give the same argument to this ques whom we all expect to think something but i guess they are also confused like we all are..

well now i see some signs of my wing waking up with shekhar ( mah buddy) saying " ajeet please tere blog me mera naam mat likhna hum uske bojh tale dab jaate hain :fear: and ankit saying saale bakar baazaon sone do,well he has a torrid time playing synapse synapse whole day..so its time for me to indulge again in some gibbers and u all think how to answer these questions..... :)

Shhhhhhhh!! Don't Laugh when Jerks around!!!!

It all started when with a fine evening the day after our endsems were over, we decided to waste some precious free time we had.So some of us went to see the movie "Aaja Nach le" we were 7 in all (Me,Rat,Shekhar,Ishan ,Pk, Poojan and Modi bhaiya)as expected movie was little(actually too much) boring in some starting moments so we all had to find some sense of humour in those scenes too stop ourselves from sleeping,and as everybody knows that i apparently need no reason to burst into laughters so after some pun intended scenes in that movie i was treating that movie like some comedy movie.After about 45 mins of movie watching i was all into hahahaha hihhihihih hohohohohho kind of laughters(courtsey PK bhaiya ke pj) of which my wing and adjacent rooms are immune to and it wasn't only me, very soon the people learned this trick to prevent tempting siesta.

well i had no intentions of slowing down with my laughter bursts but wen movie started inching towards interval suddenly the man(actually he is the jerk) sitting in row just ahead of me called it a day with " oyeeee hero tereko jyada hansi aa rahi hai kya??" well nothing like this ever happened to me like someone telling me to stop laughing while watching movie so i just threw him a sorry word and said"i won't repeat this"but the problem with some people is that as soon as they heard the word "Sorry" they think the man in front of them is week and they can get all over him and just free some of their life's disappointments on him, and so the man still kept saying " abe ek lagi na to saari hansi nikal jayegi" and i again said " are uncle ek baar sorry bol diya na " and shekhar to joining "are uncle baad me ladna abhi movie dekne do" the jerk still dint stop,now modi bhaiya joined he said " are uncle ye aise hi hasta hai ye aapke upar nahi has raha hai!!" and now he took on modi bhaiya saying "abe tu kaun hai chup chaap baitha reh" then modi bhiya too uttered to me "are yaar tu bhi kisko sorry bol raha hai" well the man was still in no mood of stopping and he thought he will threaten me by calling a"one on one" fight thinking that i as alone when actually we were 7 in all, and trust me he dint stand a chance even if i was alone.But may be his kid (ohh yes he muttered those kinda words when he was with his FAMILY:O)saw 7 of us and fore seeing the grave consequences of the fight he stopped him "papa rehne do rook jao" and so the jerk finally stopped honking.

My laugh called it a day from that time till the movie ended.Poojan bhaiya called me to his seat to prevent any further arguments and so i got to enjoy that movie a little bit.Looking back to that event some people never deserve sorry, i still feel pity abt that man he must be really disappointed in his life.well i would still not stop laughing but in future if i go to watch a movie i'll see that some of that jerk's cousins are not sitting nearby me..... :)....